I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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