I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
