i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
