I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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