Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
