As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
