So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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