u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
