At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
