Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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