Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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