It's Friday. Sex?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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