If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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