office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
