I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
