this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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