Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
