i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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