i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
