It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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