Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
