Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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