She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
