sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
