Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
