I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
