New invention idea: vibrating tampons
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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