either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
