it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
