If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize