Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My feet surprised me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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