can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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