I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
false alarm, still single
Randomize
