Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
