apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
