can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
