she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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