Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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