I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
