I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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