So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
