I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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