i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize