I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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