my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
