you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize