god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
