My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
