dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
