OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize