my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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