I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize