Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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