JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
