thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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