ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
