I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
