think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
