i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
