saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
