I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize