Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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