I wish I could teleport
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
