If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
