and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
