Need sex. Gaining weight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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