so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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