How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
