susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
