The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
