The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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