my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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