Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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