I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize