There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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