ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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