i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
