It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
