I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
