If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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