then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
