clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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