Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
