Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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