how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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