how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
