Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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