you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
