he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Acid is not a monday night drug
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
there is puke in my bra ... again
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