me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize