My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
