...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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