my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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