i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
