I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
