so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
